I truly believe that 2018 was, quite possibly, one of the most eye opening years of my life. I know, it’s cliché – every year we say, “This year taught me so much, in (insert year here) I’m only going to be stronger.” And yet, the next year, things roll around and it’s the same vicious circle, we allow ourselves to be dragged in by yet another phrase, instead of change.
2018 was supposed to be my year, just like everybody else’s, but somehow, it became a year of experiences that would, ultimately, allow me to break ties with people I’ve known almost my entire life, to leave a career field where I was comfortable (because success came easily), and made me realize that some of the people I thought were in my corner were the ones who would humiliate me the most. I’m not mad about it, I’m processing and learning to move on. You see, I’m one of those people who invests in others, fully, before I invest in myself. I know it’s wrong, but somehow I felt that if I “throw” myself into other people, maybe they would feel the same about me. Crazy, right?
See, people pick up on that …. That vulnerability and they play with it. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an, “I’m a victim, whoa is me,” post – this is a realization that hey, people are completely fucked up and the best way to avoid that is to, well, protect you first. You see, a lot of people are for you, until they’re not.
I guess you could say 2018 wasn’t all bad, it taught me about courage, and the ability to move on from what’s comfortable and try something you never imagined was for you. For years, I kept telling myself that “this” year, I would get back to writing, and yet another year in fear would pass by. I was never really sure why, but I guess I spent so much time feeling like everybody was judging me, more so than understanding me. I mean, why does it even matter? I seriously have no fucking clue – people are going to judge you no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT (please read it, again).
And so, here I am, getting back to what I love the most, because it’s all I know … and I think it’s better that way. So as I close out another year, all I can think is that 2019 is going to be an adventurous year – not my year (only because if I say that cliché bullshit one more time, I’ll probably fall out). OF COURSE it’s going to be my year, but I’m claiming that in so many different ways. I’m claiming success, not only at work, but with this blog. I’m claiming love … because well, I fucking love to love! I’m claiming health because without it, we are nothing, and I’m claiming to not give any fucks on those who need to be left behind. 2019 is going to be a hella smooth ride, get your seat while you can.