I’m learning not to take things so seriously. When I say “things,” I mean not letting the negativity around me change how I feel, as well. I’m one of those people who tends to take on the emotions and burdens of others, and trust me it is as annoying as it seems. Yes, I empathize with people and that is always a strength in the eyes of most people, but sometimes I carry the world on my shoulders when all is not meant to be handled by little old me. I am learning to accept the things I cannot control, and letting God show up and show out, because it’s what he does best. Maybe it’s selfish of me to say I’m going to stop taking on the burden of others, but I spend so much of my time taking care of others that at the end of the day, ya girl is tired. Yes, we can always be there for each other, to lift others in their time of need, but there’s a fine line between being part of a support system, and being the foundation they need to build that system. And hey, it just can’t be me, any longer.
I’m learning to stop looking deep into people’s words – because, one comment too many and I start to analyze everything that was said, searching for clues as to why I feel the way I feel, or why I allowed you to get into my head. Sure, it’s probably a mental thing, over analyzing every conversation, but I am person who lives for words and without them I am nothing. I’m doing it right now as we speak, well, as I type and you read. I’m over here wondering if what I’m saying makes sense and if you, the reader who took time out of their day to read this, feels what I’m saying. Yes? No? Well, here I go, again, over analyzing everything. It is, in fact, a vicious cycle. After all, there’s power in words, but I truly feel that if we go searching for something deeper than what it is, we will only end up hurting ourselves in the long run. I say all of this to get to one simple point:
I’m learning to let go.
I take a lot of things to heart. As I always say, I’m human, and if I was perfect then trust me, we wouldn’t be here today because my words would have no meaning behind them, no depth. I remember being younger and feeling like everybody else’s problems were mine and if I didn’t find a way to help them, I was this horrible person. Truth be told, it’s one of the best and worst traits I could ever possess. Maybe it’s selfish of me to want to change my ways, but at 29 years old, I think it’s ok for me to start living my life … well, for me.