Happy Birthday, Ju!

    Happy Birthday, Ju!It’s been almost three years since I heard your voice, and the very thought it brings so much joy into my life. Today, we celebrate you … not because you’re gone and we want to cherish your memory, but for the many special memories you created in all of our lives. You came to me in my dreams last night and I swear, it was like nothing changed.  You were happy … free. I promise if I could sleep all day just to kick back and talk to you, I would. But, I woke up this morning thinking I would be sad, but you were the life of the party, it’s only right that I keep my head up in honor of you.  It was this feeling of peace I can’t describe, but it’s a feeling I will never forget. Growing up, I never understood how you were always so calm; at times it seemed like the world was crashing around you and yet, you never crumbled.  I was always so tense … so stressed – you would always look at me with that fire in your eyes and say, “Sis, it’s good … we’re good.”

Good

    You would smile – I swear that smile would brighten even the darkest of rooms. It was almost as if you knew something we didn’t: that even when things seemed like they were at their lowest points, eventually, it would get better. As your older sister, I always envied your sense of self, how you knew that you were destined to accomplish so many beautiful things in this hectic life. Hell, sometimes you believed in me more than I ever believed in myself … but I needed to hear it, I needed to know that if anybody in this cruel world believed in me, it would always be you

    I don’t believe that I could ever thank you for keeping all of us level headed – for making us laugh when it seemed that we would never smile again … for letting me come to you at all hours of the night and just talk. It never mattered what you had going on, family was everything and it meant the world to you.  

     I think about the last time I saw you, September 3rd 2016, and how even though I spent my time yelling at you (because what type of big sister would I be if I didn’t put you in check a few times) you looked at me and said, “You know what sis, I’m good.”

 

Good.

 

Thank you for being instrumental in my life, for telling me to write when I thought I could no longer, for pushing me to always be the best person I could be, and for living … free. Thank you for your light, your vision … for the many stories you told through your music, your thoughts on life. You will never know how much they meant to me.

Happy 29th Birthday, King.

Continue to rest peacefully, I am and will always be forever grateful to have had you in my life.

 

3 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Ju!

  1. Nichelle says:

    Sorry to hear of your loss. But after reading your blog, it may be your gain. There’s nothing like sibling love. I pray he left you with so muvh love and many menories that you will always hold on to. I love the fact that you dedicated this blog to him and you’re celebrating by lifting him up.

  2. FinalRant says:

    I’m glad you’re choosing to see the light in this. I’ve always believed that dreams and intuition were very meaningful. What other reason would this have occurred in such timing. I’m sorry for your physical loss, but know that Ju’s presence is still with you.

  3. Teeara Ida says:

    So sorry for your loss! I’m happy you have this platform to not only express yourself but to shine light on the great experiences and times you had with your sibling! Just know he will always be with you and watching over you

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