FREE.

Violated.-5Coming into 2020, I knew I was ready to focus … to get myself together and embrace the challenges coming for the new year. There’s been this sense of of clarity that’s come over me and for the the first time in a long time, I feel like my mind has never been clearer. What do they call it, peace? I couldn’t really tell you, because it’s a feeling I haven’t felt in so long, I’m not sure if I should speak on it. Isn’t that strange? Like, if I speak on how zen I feel, something will happen and those beautiful feelings of joy will simply go away. I think sometimes we are so caught up in waiting for the other shoe to drop that we can’t seem to focus on the moment … what’s happening before our very eyes. Today, I feel that release of pressure from society’s mess … and damn, it feels good. My eyes are open and for once, I want to enjoy every bit of happiness that I can take until my body fills itself with peace and my can’t take it any longer.
 
I’m learning to let go of pointless friendships, people who are there for me when it’s convenient for them. People who want to take as much as possible and drain me of the energy I have from time to time because, let’s face it, sis is muh’fuckin TIRED. We all know those people: they come and go as they please, because feelings of loyalty and being bound to friendship, a relationship maybe, scares them? Listen sis, I’m not perfect, and I promise I’ll never pretend to be. But one thing I do know, is that friendship is more than letting me texting you every once in a while, it’s about me relying on you when nobody else in the world seems to give a damn. And guess what? When the world is crashing down around you? I’m there for YOU. Shit hasn’t ever been a one way street and it never will be. For once, I’m at peace and I’m letting those toxic (I’m sure that was the low key word of 2019) people go.
 
I’m learning to let go of negative feelings towards myself – animosity and hate towards others. At the end of the day, it doesn’t do anything but weigh you down and baby I’m ready to be as free as a bird. As I sit here and write this, I can’t help but vibe to Deniece Williams over … and over. She said it best: I just want to be free. No, I don’t want to be free …. I’ve got to be free.
 
Free
 
from all of these false expectations of myself and the people around me. Everything is coming into perspective, and I’m loving every minute of it. I’m manifesting life through the guidance of those around me. I’m learning to embrace life after tragic losses surrounding my siblings, while searching for a higher being than the ones constantly presented before me. I am on a journey of self-discovery through exploring various levels of self awareness to build upon my future.  I will carry on the legacy of those who are no longer with me.
Everything I am is because of them.
All I’ve ever wanted …. Is to be free.

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