When I was diagnosed with PCOS almost three years ago, I had no idea of the immense effect it would have on my life. There’s this sense of feeling like I’m less than, because my body has so many issues and, unfortunately, I haven’t had the amazing feeling of bringing life into this world, yet. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be a mother someday, but it seems as if some people are so quick to rush the process when they have no idea of what is happening MY body.
A little over a week ago I turned 30 years old … did you cringe, a little? I mean, God forbid a woman turns 30 and doesn’t have a child yet – I must be doing something wrong. It’s insanely difficult to be open about the challenges I’ve faced, but I feel like it’s time to take a stand. I don’t think people realize how insanely degrading it is to hear, “You’re 30 and no baby, yet?” …. Or my personal favorite, “What are you waiting for?!”
That’s a great question – let me answer that for you. By no means am I obligated to have children, and if I did, that’s a choice for me and nobody else. Also, we need to focus less on asking women when they’re going to have children and maybe focus on helping them build their career, helping them accomplish their dreams. It’s so depressing to think that my only “true” contribution to the world should be the children I bear when for some women, that’s not always an easy option. I find it incredibly upsetting that people are so quick to tell me that time’s running out or the clock the ticking, as if I don’t hear it everyday. Bringing life into this world would give me the most immense joy in my life, but I couldn’t fathom trying to get pregnant right now when my health is an even bigger issue, because I could never forgive myself if anything were to happen to my child, God forbid.
I think it’s insane that society puts this pressure on women to have kids before a certain age like it’s the easiest thing to do. Sure, we just go out and “get pregnant,” and nine months later, a blessing comes into this world. Nobody stops to think about the women who may have a difficult time getting pregnant … the women who lose their children some time during pregnancy …. Or the women who are told they will never bear children.
All I can say is that I’m waiting for that day, but I don’t expect anybody to countdown the time, except me. Society needs to learn that women don’t need to have a baby by 30. Of course, I know there are studies that say it gets harder as you get older, but I promise you, if my 25 year old self would have had no medical issues and could simply have a baby, then sis, I may have had a whole family out here, posted up on the gram with somebody’s son, and taking “first day” pictures of my beautiful babies. But listen, until that time comes, I’m learning to wait patiently and embrace the changes happening with my body.